Hello there. I’m joining many other women here on Substack (such as
, and ) posting as part of a Daisy Chain Flower Crown for International Women’s Day.This is not something I’ve ever done before. I’ve never really sat down and thought about what it means to me to be a woman. Yes I’ve had the usual ‘discussions’ about how there can’t be such a thing as sexism anymore and woman are equal, right? I’ve read wonderful books on spirituality and reclaiming feminine power. But I’ve never written about it.
And it scares me.
I wrote this with no real idea of where I was going, what to write about and how to shape it into anything meaningful. So I did what I have learned to do when I don’t know the answer: I wrote anyway.
I read once forever ago that we can write to figure things out, to figure out what we think about things. And this is what I wrote. It is disparate fragments, snippets of ideas and notions, scraps of me on the digital page.
But in the end, when writing the answer I needed for myself, I found tears on my cheeks.
My purpose of writing was fulfilled.
I hope you enjoy and I would love to hear your own thoughts.
K x
“If women remember that once upon a time we sand with the tongues of seals and flew with the wings of swans, that we forged our own paths through the dark forest while creating a community of its many inhabitants, then we will rise up rooted like trees.”
― Sharon Blackie, If Women Rise Rooted: The Journey to Authenticity and Belonging
It was not unusual for me to be the only woman in the room. I grew up in and went to work in an environment that is dominated by men and by a masculine attitude - the military.
With two older brothers as well, it’s perhaps not unpredictable that I spent my younger years a tomboy. Although my best friends were, and still are, female, I found I was far more comfortable with boys. I think perhaps because that was what I knew, the behaviour and expectations.
Honestly, I spent the vast majority of my time trying to fit in, worrying about being accepted. Isn’t that what our youth is for? Perhaps it really is wasted on the young.
—
Sekhmet is the Egyptian goddess of, among other things, war. She is the manifestation of the wrath of Ra, the sun god. In one story, she was sent by Ra to destroy the mortals who opposed Ra and, when her blood-lust was not satisfied at the end of the battle, rampaged across Egypt, laying waste to all.
To calm her fury, to bring her back into the fold, the gods tricked her into consuming a lake of beer. Naturally, of course, she was celebrated in a festival of intoxication.
The Morrigan is part of a trio of goddesses in Irish myth called the Mórrígna. Her sisters are Badb and Macha, and sometimes Nemain. They are all associated with war and battle in some way. The Morrigan was associated with war fury, sometimes inciting warriors to battle and helping them claim victory. Some stories have her seen in visions, washing the clothes of those fated to die in battle; others, she is a crow flying over the battle; others still, she is a warrior, giving more direct favour.
Athena is the Greek goddess mostly associated with wisdom. However, she is also the goddess of warfare. Bellona was the ancient Roman goddess of war. Juno, in one of her many epithets, is another Roman goddess, who appears armed and ready for battle. Jiutian Xuannü is the goddess of war, sex and longevity in Chinese myth. In Norse mythology, there is Freyja, also associated with war, love, and sex. Then we have the Valkyries of Norse mythology and bánánachs of Irish myths who haunted battlefields.
In stories passed through millennia, women are fierce, outspoken, wild and indomitable.
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It’s ‘pink and fluffy’ was a term I often heard. In a place that favoured direction, orders, unequivocal execution, it was judged that listening fully, asking questions to help empower an individual and connecting with them on a human level was not _enough_.
And yet, when these skills were applied to people who expected to be _told_ rather than listened to, I saw them flourish. I saw them realise they could come to their own conclusions. I saw them leave the classroom full of ideas, creativity and motivation.
I’ll take ‘pink and fluffy’, thanks.
—
How do we express our anger? Not even a specific anger aimed at a specific thing. Just the rage inside us, the energy, the wildness. Perhaps that wildness _becomes_ anger when it isn’t expressed, when it must be caged. Perhaps it has, for too long, paced the wires of my overwhelming need to please others, to keep the peace, to be nice. There is has paced and there it has grown into a fierce _something_ that has claws and teeth and is pretty pissed off with these wires.
How can we cage the wild and expect it to be OK?
“Though her soul requires seeing, the culture around her requires sightlessness. Though her soul wishes to speak its truth, she is pressured to be silent.”
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves
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Creativity is a hallmark of feminine energy, carried by both men and women. When the feminine and masculine are balanced, creativity runs wild and free and outspoken. When the masculine overwhelms the feminine, seeking power and status, creativity is stifled, silenced and caged.
As a child, I loved to create. To write, to draw, to imagine up entire worlds. As a young woman, I sought to fit in, have status, and not be too much of a ‘girl’. I was afraid of creating, afraid of getting it wrong, and afraid of not being good enough.
As an older woman, approaching mid-life, I create with my whole heart. I have found the people who see my creation and love it for what it is, not for the quality of it. I have embraced my love of creating deep connections with other humans, listening to their stories deeply, seeing them and seeking to empower them. I find comfort in the trees and by the river. I am grounded in the feminine souls in my circle of best friends and family. I am inspired every day to be colourfully **me** by this circle.
I don’t have all the answers. I have more questions. I seek answers in the forests, by the rivers, in deep connections with others. Then the answers come from within, drawn out from the depths of my soul, by a feeling of being utterly and finally **home**.
When I write, I am a better person. When I create, I am a better person. Perhaps I could have found this wellspring of life earlier in my life, perhaps if I had been braver. But perhaps this was just the path I was meant to tread and I am here precisely when I was meant to be.
I am home, within myself.
This is so beautiful, I relate to what you said so much and love those quotes! Particularly the anger/rage/wildness… I have always felt I have to suppress my wildness and am only just finding ways to express it me not feel ashamed of it… coming to my 40s and becoming a Mother has definitely unleashed it! Wonderful piece, thank you xx
Love this